I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
