At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
