I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I sprained my soul last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
