im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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