a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
