You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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