Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we have officially lost it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
