dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
