Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
