yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
