Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
