Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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