How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
