So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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