How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
