I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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