btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
