Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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