Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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