Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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