So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
