If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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