I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?