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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well