whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.