yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize