He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.