I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless