i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I didn't notice because vodka
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
