I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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