just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
