I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
