The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
