Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
