Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
