she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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