"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
