Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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