there's paper in my vomit.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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