think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
