I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
