Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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