i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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