I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
