So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
