What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
