I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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