I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
