The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
