Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
