I faked an abortion last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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