my soul wont recognize me after tonight
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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