If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
