someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
