She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
