So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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