It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
