I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
