In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
there is glitter all over my balls
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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