she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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