I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
