I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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