he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
