Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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