Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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