the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
