I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
