wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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