it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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