theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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