First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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