from now on my penis is your penis
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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