Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
