I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
