Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
