You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We left the knife in your bed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
